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By Michele aka Ygraul Verdemorte |
Chapter 42. Madness |
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hat is wrong, my love, why do you spurn me? I have done nothing to harm you. Are you not happy that we shall have a child. Cease your fighting, darling, you will yield to me eventually and your weeping will avail you not. “Shhh now, my beloved, no one can hear you and your cries pierce my heart. We have so little time and our precious hour is almost wasted. Give me a child, make my belly quicken.” Pendaran thrashed and screamed to free himself from her clinging grasp. She could force him to follow her but he had will enough to refuse her sick request. Demons and mortals did not mate, it was an abomination, he knew this from the texts Zhou had asked him to read. Nothing but evil could come from such a union. “Don’t make me hurt you, my love. Obey me and I will give you such delight. Why do you fight me over such a simple request?” But he was bound and helpless now. Struggling breathlessly in the darkness of the cave, his throat was hoarse from crying out as he tried to free his arms. “Gods, help me!” he pleaded, even though no one could possibly hear him. The gods were all that were left to him as he fought to escape. “Pen, wake up.” “I can’t take this. Oh please let me die. Take me away.” “Am I not beautiful? See, now my face is that of Clarissa, does that not please you?” “She’s dead! Leave me alone. Gods, no!” He was pulled upward, his helpless body made to sit as Threnody held him against her breast and stroked his hair as if he were a child. Arms folded and bound against his body, he could not pull away nor could he pummel her or tear at her face. He hated her. “Perhaps this face? I shall be Teleri.” “I’ll kill you!” he howled, arching his back in a pitiful attempt to break free. “Pen, open your eyes now, you’re safe.” But his eyes were open. He was alone in a small black cave and the floor was covered in sand and bits of broken shell that glowed faintly in the starlight filtering through cracks in the ceiling. He had counted them over and over again in an effort to stay sane. Blood stained the sand from his broken body but he could not see it while he counted. She slapped him and he gasped in pain, blinking in bewilderment as filtered sunlight burned into his mind. On the cusp of two realities, he lay still in Ebony’s trembling arms, the strain of his weight and struggles having taxed her strength. Dreaming. He did not fight her now as she held him and stroked his head and back, grounding him with her compassion. “What did you dream, Pen?” she asked him gently, “Is it the same every time?” She did not know about Threnody and now she would think him mad if he told her the outlandish tale. He pressed his face into her shoulder and sobbed. Ebony rocked him slowly and murmured a lullaby, soothing him as if he were a small child. She already thought him lost. “Pen, are you there?” He nodded. “I’m going to call in someone to help me change your clothes and bedding and clean you up. Do you want to sit up or lie down now?” “Sit,” he mumbled. He did not want to sleep any more. Ever. As she propped him up against the chest and positioned pillows around him, he realized to his humiliation that he had soiled himself. Gods, just let him die now. This was no way to live. “I want to talk to Zhou,” he pleaded. Zhou would understand. Ebony gazed down at him sadly. “Pen, you know he is dead. We have talked about it many times.” He bowed his head in defeat and Ebony left him alone with her cats, both of which looked terrified of him. So maybe he was mad. He counted the little red diamonds in the fabric pattern of the quilt draped over his body. Someone was nudging him but he had to finish. Very important to finish counting and he was only halfway done. Ebony took the quilt away, folded it up so that the pattern was hidden. He shrieked in rage, knowing she had done it on purpose and had not asked this time if she could interrupt him. “Pendaran, if you want to see Mabane today, you need to get cleaned up.” Unresisting now, he let the two men lift him to his feet. They released his legs so that he could walk between them and flanked him protectively as they stepped outside into the late morning sunshine. He squinted at the immense great hall with its swarm of workers and crafts people erecting scaffolding and disturbing the quiet with their chiseling and hammering. Children were scampering past, squealing with delight in a game of chase. They moved past the bright line of tents and pavilions and he savored the aroma of porridge as they passed the big steaming kettles of the mess tent. Unresisting, he let his wards guide him to the latrine where he was finally allowed to have his arms back. When he was done there, they stripped off his simple gown and doused him with buckets of water and scrubbed off the grime. They helped him wash his hair and he stood there numbly as they toweled him dry. He scratched his beard while he could still use his hands. After shrugging into a clean gown, he numbly allowed them to bind up his arms in the new padded sling one of the craftsmen had made for him. It was comfortable but, more importantly, he could not work it free as he had the bandages. Once it was buckled in place, they led him back to the tent where fresh bedding awaited him. Morisedd was there, watching him coldly as he was propped up against the chest. Once his legs were bound, the two men left him. Pendaran was never left alone. It was a pity since sometimes he would have preferred it, especially now that it was Morisedd’s shift. Ebony was his guardian while he slept, no doubt because of his violent nightmares. Morisedd had the late morning hours before noon when the wild things were sleeping and his people had no need of him. He took Teleri’s shift also so that she would not have to deal with Pendaran. And when it was time for Mabane to visit, Morisedd also insisted on being present. The result: too much Morisedd for Pendaran’s tastes. He wished the horrible man would leave him alone. They hated each other. What more was there to say? “I could shave you,” the ranger offered, “You look like a slob.” Getting rid of the beard whose itchiness drove him mad sounded wonderful. Having Morisedd hold a sharp blade near his face or throat sounded horrible. Then again, if Morisedd did accidentally kill him, it would not be such a bad thing. “Please do.” “No funny stuff,” Morisedd rumbled, “I’ve heard about your perverted love affair with sharp objects.” “I married your sister, didn’t I?” “Don’t you insult her, swine.” “What are you going to do, beat up a bound man?” Pendaran snapped, “I’m not broken enough for you?” “Shut up,” Morisedd barked, “I’ve put up with plenty from you.” Pendaran winced as if he had been struck. He blinked away unwelcome tears as the ranger stropped his shaving blade. Zhou was dead and he needed him. “Master, I can’t see my way out of this maze. I’m lost.” “Talk to Ebony. When are you ever going to stop hiding the truth from the people who can help you? Haven’t you suffered enough?” “She’ll think I’m mad.” “You are mad; you’re talking to a dead man. What do you have to lose?” Morisedd unfurled his cloak around Pendaran’s shoulders and set out a bowl of water, resting on his knees as he tilted Pendaran’s head and the blade slid effortlessly over his jaw. He surrendered to the ranger, allowing him to turn and position his head as needed to finish his job. Morisedd was surprisingly gentle despite the scowl on his face. When he was done, he ran a damp cloth over Pendaran’s newly shaven face. “Thank you,” he said, “If you weren’t so vile to me all the time, I might actually come to appreciate you.” Morisedd snorted disdainfully. “I just have to satisfy myself with you being crazy and not dead,” the man replied bitterly, “You’re pathetic. You can’t even kill yourself properly. I bet you were hoping I’d cut your throat.” Pendaran swallowed and lowered his face. “Just when I think I already hate you enough, you give me more reasons. Lucky me, I get to raise your bastard, as well.” “Don’t speak of my daughter like that!” Pendaran shouted at him. To his horror, Teleri burst into the tent, her face a terrifying shade of scarlet. Morisedd’s jaw dropped as Pendaran fell over onto his side, squirming away from her as his heart raced. She drew back her hand to strike and landed a biting slap on Morisedd’s startled face. Pendaran had to get away, she was going to hurt him. “Is that how you carry on behind my back?” she shrieked at her brother. Teleri lifted her hand to box Morisedd’s ears and then stopped abruptly to stare at Pendaran. “Oh gods,” she moaned, “Pen.” “I’ll beat you senseless until you yield. I can heal you after all. See? I don the appearance of your beloved Teleri and you will see her face as I scourge you, until you give me a child.” “No,” Pendaran sobbed, shuddering under her touch and losing himself to terror, “No!” |
