Chapter 9. Doubt

orisedd had pushed them hard over the frigid terrain and they had continued marching until well after sunset, arriving exhausted and chilled to the bone in Yak’s Bend on the evening of the second night.  Uriel knew his motivation, of course.  He hated Pendaran and envied every moment she spent with him. One less day on the road was one less day Pendaran could spend with Uriel.

Despite being footsore and weary, Pendaran curled under the blankets with her and engaged in a round of noisy lovemaking that sent Morisedd storming away in rage. The mesmer had clearly taken her insults as a challenge and redoubled his efforts.  However, they were all tired.  She thanked him and kissed his brow as they lay panting and sweating in expended warmth beneath his cloak and their combined bedding.

“Sleep,” she said softly, “I’ll hold you now.”

He tensed at her words for he hated speech during intimate moments.  It was odd watching him perform.  His eyes grew dull and he seemed miles away, but if she breathed a word he returned vexed.  It was as if he were surprised and furious to discover he was pleasuring a strange woman.  He said nothing, only rolled over obediently so that she could curl around the warmth of his back.  She nuzzled his nape and kissed the smooth curve of his shoulders, amused when he predictably exhaled and relaxed, drifting now into sleep.

Uriel felt a little ashamed for using him.  She detected Luitha standing over her.  The ghost did not like Pendaran and could see no redeeming qualities in the man.  She despaired of being able to foment the transformation in him that would eventually set her free.

“I am afraid,” said the ghost sadly, “Can we not abandon this foolish course and find another?”

“Oh Lu,” Uriel said, “I’m sorry.  I want this to work, you know I do.”

Luitha drifted forlornly to her side and sat down slowly, her weary visage aching with grief.  Her silvery hand enfolded Uriel’s, but only a chill arose where they touched.  Uriel sighed, fearing that now the ghost was merely afraid of losing her for once Pendaran took the bait they would be parted.  Pendaran was an unknown, but Luitha had known her for five years.

“I miss the warmth of the sun and the kiss of rain.  I do not remember what my parents looked like it has been so long.  I want the Mists to give me solace and forgetfulness.”

 “I’ll do whatever you want, Lu, but I swear to you, this man is as close to perfect as any I’ve found.  He is the key to your freedom.  I know that now.”

“No one else has ever tried to free me,” Luitha wept, “I want it so badly but I am beyond hope.”

“I know, sweet one.  You were so young.  You never deserved this fate.”

It was at times like this that Uriel wished Luitha had a physical presence.  The raw ache of the woman’s pain pierced her heart and she wanted to hold and console her.  She knew that Luitha had been very young when her life had been sacrificed to seal the curse.  No doubt the fact that she had never known the love of a man was part of what made it so potent.  But it also meant that Luitha had few sweet memories to sustain her.  She had died without fully becoming who she was, stunted and dependent on those around her to provide stability and purpose.

“We can find another if you truly have misgivings about this one,” Uriel breathed even though she was uncertain how many more boorish men she could endure in her seemingly endless search.  After all, if the centuries had turned up no worthy raw material for Luitha to work with, what made Uriel think she would have any greater success on her behalf?

“I hate to see you go through this for me,” Luitha protested, “Destroy the stone.  Shatter it.”

“And condemn you to an eternity of a wretched half-life? No, Luitha, not while I may be able to help you.  At the very least I can console you through my lifetime.”

The young woman’s lovely face smiled down at Uriel, her eyes having witnessed so much that had made her despair.  When they had first met, she had not had human company for two centuries and it had driven her nearly mad.  There was now a bond between them forged of Luitha’s loneliness and need.  Uriel longed for freedom as well, but she knew she would never obtain it while Luitha’s spirit was imprisoned.

“Just convince Pendaran to take me and go free,” Luitha pleaded, “Morisedd will not wait forever.  I will deal with Pendaran as I have always endured my bearers.”

Uriel frowned, gazing over at the man she truly loved and seeing the misery her dalliance caused.  His sleeping face was deeply lined with grief and anger.  She was aware of the chasm of hurt that grew between them.  Soon he would be forced to leave her for his own sake.  And she would not blame him in the least.

“I’ll test Pendaran.  If he was ever capable of love, then  he still has it in him,” Uriel replied, “If he fails, I’ll keep you.”

“No,” Luitha pleaded, “Enough.  Leave me to my fate.”