Chapter 52. Teleri's Duty

eleri followed the crowd to the gate of the guild’s compound, tears rising to her eyes as she said farewell to new friends and old.  Nandao hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead before turning away to shoulder a heavy pack.  Brigit, beaming brightly through a mask of tears, embraced Teleri heartily.  Mashiro and Kazuma bowed deeply to her, followed by Shikai who smiled mysteriously at the young ranger woman before going to join the others.

Zhou was beside her on the steps leading down to the courtyard.  He was clad in long black robes of watered silk, his handsome face lined with sadness as he watched his guild mates prepare for their departure.  She had never seen anyone express such exquisite grief as Zhou for as the new leader of the Crystal Palm, it had fallen to him to light the funeral pyres of his beloved master, Dojin, and his childhood friend, Toralai.  The prior evening he had lead the farewell chant and performed an elaborate rite to clear the way for their departed spirits.  It seemed all of them had been cleansed of a little of the grief of the past week.

Brigit stood awkwardly before Zhou, pressing her palms together to offer him a reverential bow.  She flushed with embarrassment as he gazed calmly back at her.

“May the gods speed you to the aid of your friends,” Zhou said, returning her bow.

“Keep an eye on Teleri for me, please,” Brigit giggled awkwardly.  It amused Teleri to see poor brash Brigit reduced to a silly girl before the charming gentleman.  If Zhou was embarrassed, however, he hid it gracefully, humoring the warrioress with a smile.  Brigit turned to join the expedition and nearly tripped over herself.

She felt happy for the first time in days.  The Emperor had been swift in administering justice.  Not only had the Red Lotus Clan been robbed of their compound and any wealth they had left behind in their haste, but the Zaishen had stripped away their guild hall on the Battle Islands as a sign to everyone that Balthazar did not favor thugs or murderers.  At least a score of the guild’s members had been slain by the imperial guard and allies of the Crystal Palm.  The grief for Dojin’s loss had been a source of much public display of grief.

It was hard not to feel regret that she would be staying behind while everyone else went searching for her brother, Uriel, and Lemony.  Shikai had assured Teleri that Morisedd still lived and she had the means to track him.  After Pendaran’s miraculous rescue, she trusted the ritualist implicitly.  At Nandao’s request, she stayed behind to look after Pendaran and to keep herself out of danger for Mabane’s sake.

“You are gifted with good friends,” Zhou said to her as they watched the expedition march proudly through the ornate dragon entwined gates.

“You, too.”

“If you will pardon me, I must attend to guild business,” the mesmer said, proffering a steepled-palm bow of reverence to her.

“See you later,” Teleri said to his back.

“Supper,” he replied without looking back, “Bring Pendaran if he is able.  East dining room.”

She had momentarily forgotten about Pendaran.  Cursing, she trotted back toward the sunny little guest room that was currently his abode, relieved to bump into the servant carrying the tray to his room.  She thanked the man and took it from him, bracing herself for her encounter with the man.  Now that his strength was recovering he had taken to throwing the food at the walls.  He had twice doused Nandao with it.  So far, only Teleri had successfully avoided his displays of inchoate anger.

The door was ajar and she gasped as she pushed it open.  Weak though he was, Pendaran was balanced precariously atop his bed’s low headboard, his back pressed to the wall while Geetha lay stretched out in the middle of the bed, her bulk nearly taking up the entire thing.  Her big paws were playfully swatting at the man’s feet as he tried to climb up the wall to escape.  A raucous purr emanated from the lynx, but did nothing to allay the man’s fear of the big cat.

“Geetha!” Teleri cried, fighting back her urge to laugh.  The mesmer looked like a frightened bird as he flapped his bony arms to shoo the cat away and somehow maintain his balance.  Even his returning bristle of chestnut hair put her in mind of a bird’s raised crest.  The lynx, still purring mightily, relented slowly, pausing to make a big display of stretching before jumping down and padding away.

“I won’t let her harm you,” Teleri said apologetically.

“I don’t like cats,” Pendaran protested, blushing when she could no longer contain her giggles.  He wobbled and lost his balance, falling with a loud ‘whump’ onto the feather mattress.  She worried for a moment that he may have hurt himself but he rolled onto his back and glared at her with his stormy green eyes.

“Well, Mr. Grumpy, it’s that time again.  Sit up.”

“I’m done eating that slop.”

“Three more days and you should be able to eat normal food again.”

“I don’t care.”

Having exerted himself too much in fear of Geetha, he was panting with the effort of crawling back under his blankets and showing her his back.  Teleri put the tray down and touched his shoulder, expecting him to flinch, which he did with a curse.

“I care.”

“Leave me alone,” he growled, “I don’t want your pity.”

“Would you rather have my contempt?” she asked, withdrawing her touch, “And why should I not feel compassion for you?”

“It’s my fault your friends are endangered.  Don’t you hate me for that?”

“I was planning on reserving my hatred for Kiku and the Red Lotus. Why do you want me to hate you, Pen?”

“I hate me,” he whispered.

 “Aren’t you even a little bit glad to be alive?”

He looked away and she thought she saw the faintest glistening of tears in his eyes.  Poor unhinged mesmer.  They were frail creatures when their emotions were out of control.

“It must be lonely to be you,” Teleri observed, sighing when he would not respond.  He had descended once more into his private grief and it did not seem to matter what she said or did.  Of course, she understood to some degree.

“I’ve lost everything,” Pendaran whispered.

“I’m sure it feels that way right now.  I remember saying the same thing when my husband died in the Searing,” Teleri soothed, “May I hold your hand?”

She expected him to stay shut down, that was how it had been for the last few days.  In fact, today was the most he had spoken since the first time he woke.  She had never seen so much grief and misery sleeping or waking.  Even in his dreams he was not released from it.  Grudgingly he gave his hand to her and she took it into her own as if it were a precious thing.  He was still so thin but his long fingers were graceful and finely made like all of Lyssa’s children.  Sitting beside him on the bed, she clasped it on her lap, saying nothing as his emotions overcame him.

“There’s no need to be ashamed,” she soothed, squeezing his hand softly, “After everything you’ve been through, it’s a wonder you are not insane.”

He turned his face back toward her and she smiled sweetly at him, remarking the beauty of his brow and nose, his perfect lips and the grace of his chin.  His tormentors had left his face untouched, but the pain of his existence was beginning to draw lines upon his brow and harden his jaw.  He must have been a stunning child, she thought, like Mabane.  And perhaps that was why she cared for him, for having become a mother, she saw the child that dwelt in all creatures and knew that at one time even the meanest soul had started as a babe in arms.

“I want you to get well,” she told him, “and I want you to walk free of grief one day.  Let’s start by getting some meat back on your bones.”

“Why?” he choked.  And that one word was so full of pain Teleri was disarmed by it and felt her own sadness percolating back into her heart.  Trembling, she lowered her face to kiss his forehead.

“Don’t do that,” he wept, “I’m done with love.”

“Maybe love isn’t done with you,” she replied.  Teleri watched his emotions play over his face like cloud shadows until he had mastered himself again and exhaustion hollowed his cheeks and shadowed his eyes.

“Let me help you sit up,” she said, gratified when he actually did as she asked this time instead of resisting her with his usual dead uncooperative weight.  Teleri propped him up against the headboard and drew the blankets up above his belly just short of his staring ribs.  He was so thin it pained her to look upon him.  And there were far too many scars.

Now she picked up the cold bowl of gruel and was relieved when he took it from her of his own accord and tipped it numbly into his mouth.  In a way, this new more obedient Pendaran was worse for the fire was gone from him now.  He returned the empty vessel to her and slumped back against the pillows, closing his eyes wearily.

“What do you miss most about your husband?” he asked as she helped him lie down, drawing the blankets back under his chin.  She was mildly disarmed by his question.  He had never shown an interest in her before.

“I miss a lot of things,” Teleri murmured, “I suppose if I had to pick one it would be his voice.”

Pendaran lay still now, his only movement the restful rise and fall of his breast.  Nandao had warned her he would be slow to recover and she was resigned to the fact that she would be fighting with him to eat and drink every two hours until he was finally able to take care of himself.  But the monk had said she was a natural choice for the job.  No one else could reach the man and he flatly refused to let anyone else attend to him.

Taking up the tray, she made sure the door was closed behind her this time so that Geetha would leave him alone.