Chapter 60. Farewell

ister Lemony was clad in robes of purest white, her freshly shaven head taking on an angelic sheen as a shaft of pale sunlight gazed gently down upon her.  The funeral pyre dwarfed her little form as she stood beside it clutching a flaming torch.  The dour shape of the gray temple loomed over the little yard, its upturned eaves adorned with angels and dragons that watched the proceedings with flat expressionless eyes.  So hard to say goodbye, impossible to let her dreams and hopes burn away with the remains of her beloved Nandao.

But above the mounded wood and charcoal of the bier, his form was draped in white, the white of emptiness and death.  She had cried every day since his death nearly a week before and now she was numb.  To the sweet singing of her gathered friends, she lifted up the brand and held it against the oil-soaked base of the pyre.  Xiang Yi quickly drew her back when the flames roared hungrily to life.

She wondered how long she would feel the fire upon her own flesh were she to crawl onto the bier beside Nandao.  So what if the gods eschewed suicide.  Nothing they could do to her now could hurt this bad.  All their seasons of laughter gone and the words of the farewell song were bitter in her ears.  Zhou took her hand and guided her unresisting into Uriel’s arms.  Teleri and Morisedd embraced her in turn.  Poor Teleri, so sad and desolate.  The woman must be wondering if she, too, would soon he setting alight the remains of her hope and happiness.  Poor Pendaran and Brigit.  It was going to be a sad winter.

It all passed in a blur.  At times it seemed as if she were just a ghost and her body had not yet acknowledged she was dead.  One by one she received the embraces of her friends and fellow mourners.  Kantele was among the last and, when she took Lemony into her arms, she stroked her brow and guided her into the safety of the compound, back to the sanctuary of her bed and the few tokens of her love for Nandao.

“I’ll have a bath drawn for you, darling, and then perhaps a nice bowl of dumpling soup,” Kantele said gently as they left behind the swirling flames.  Lemony wanted to stay until the fire burned down to ashes.

“I want to go back to him,” she wept. 

“Nandao is gone, sweetheart.  Xiang Yi can finish the rites.  You have done your duty.”

Lemony conceded.  It had been difficult enough to convince Xiang Yi to let her be the one to set Nandao’s spirit free with fire.  She would not be content to merely stand aside while someone else did the honors.  Unconsciously she curled against Kantele, aware that the pain in her heart was easing just a little as the woman chanted softly.  Maybe she should let someone take care of her.  She was only one little monk, after all.

“Could I have noodles instead of dumplings?”

“Of course, darling.”

“And rose oil in my bath?”

“I’m sure that can be arranged.”

“And will you stay beside my bed for a while before I go to sleep?” Lemony asked, her voice beginning to tremble, “Because I really miss him.  I really do.”

“Of course, Lem,” Kantele said, holding her gently, “Of course.”