Chapter 79. Returning

rigit worked herself into a frenzy trying to get everything ready for the coming departure from the island. She felt tired and unsettled, not wanting to leave while she was still shocked by news of her death. The lone figure of the druid watched over the proceedings with a silent air of resignation, familiar and yet alien. It was difficult for her to accept that this was all that remained of her friend.

Despite the protestations of the crew, Master Bei insisted that the centaur be treated as one of them. Weak with hunger and thirst, the creature wobbled onto its feet and limped stiffly after Xiang Yi. It had to be lifted and pulled in a makeshift sling onto the deck where it rested on its belly under the shade of an oilskin. With no further need of her brute strength, Brigit was left to her own devices while the others rearranged the crowded deck to make way for Teleri’s body and Pendaran’s needs. Oddly, Armand did not come to her side, pre-occupied for reasons unknown. She went alone to the place that marked the end of Teleri’s life and stood before the translucent being that had grown up in her place.

“I wish I could have helped,” Brigit said hoarsely, sinking to her knees as tears blurred her vision, “I tried. I don’t know what else I could have done.”

“Do not sorrow, my friend. You gave of yourself freely and there was no more you could do. Hold a memory of what I was in happier times on behalf of my children. Go in peace and be a friend to those I loved. Farewell.”

Brigit watched the strange form shimmer and fade, leaving her alone in a place that smelled of carnage and horror. She hurried back to her friends, a momentary fear of being abandoned knifing through her. It was foolish, she knew. Armand would never let them leave without her and she was reassured to see him standing at the bulwarks with a visible expression of relief upon his strained visage as she approached. He gave her a hand up as she waded waist deep in the surging waves and climbed up to join them. She embraced him once she was aboard, forgetting that she was soaked and runny with grief. The strength of his hug told her he had no care about such things and she loved him all the more for that.

“Are you alright?” they asked each other almost at the same time and she laughed tearfully, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

“I’m sorry about your friend,” he said quietly, a note of shame in his voice, “I didn’t realize…”

She said nothing as he trailed off, lost in his guilt. Brigit stroked the hair from his visage and held him.

“Don’t do that for me,” he wept and she knew he spoke of Teleri’s final act, “Gods, I’d sooner die than continue without you.”

Brigit was touched by the rawness of his words, his anger finally giving way to the grief at the root of his being. She guided him to the stern where there was less commotion. The crew and her friends were using the boat’s oars to help pole the vessel free of the shore, as the sails were trimmed to catch the offshore wind. The harmonious drone of Mog’s pipes rose above the wind and clash of waves, a sound that emphasized the mournful state of her mind.

She sat down and drew him down beside her, holding him as he broke down as he had never done in the past. He was a proud man and rarely showed vulnerability outside the confines of their bedroom. Brigit sensed his twin urges to stop and pull himself together and his rage at being unable to do so.

“What’s wrong?” Brigit whispered into his temple now that he lay across her breast, their hearts pounding close to one another.

“I’m a mess,” he coughed, barely able to speak, “This is dumb.”

Brigit shrugged and squeezed him tightly.

“I don’t think it’s dumb, I just see someone who’s hurting and I love him very much and wish I could help.”

“I’ve been such an ***,” he mumbled.

“I’ve been worried about you.”

“How can you love me after I behaved like that?”

Brigit nearly laughed but realized he might take it the wrong way. She smiled down into his face, so beautiful that it took an act of will not to begin kissing him. This was important.

“Why are you so scared?” she asked him softly, knowing that this truth hurt him more than anything. She had seen him recoil from similar things Zhou had asked him.

“Are we at sea?” he wept, clutching her tightly, his eyes clenched closed. The clicking of the dolphins and their exuberant spouting had joined the wail of Mog’s pipes. The boat danced lightly over the azure sea and the wind was fair.

“Yeah.”

“Where are we headed?” he asked, although she sensed he knew. It seemed an odd question. Of course they were going home but she humored him and stretched her neck to gaze out over the sea in the direction of the prow.

“Home, I would assume. There’s some islands, the same we went past in the channel when we came down the coast.”

“There is an island shaped like a fist, larger than the others,” he murmured, “I told Zhou there was a portal there so he could take Pendaran home faster.”

“That was sweet of you,” she said, stroking his face and wondering why this was causing him so much pain. Brigit realized he was expecting her to understand, that he did not want to have to elaborate. In their time together, he had gradually mentioned little scraps of his past, things that had happened that were so inhumane and horrible it was difficult for her to hear them.

“Is it that island?” she asked softly, “Where the guild hall was?”

“My mother and father and my uncles and aunts and…” he could not go on and collapsed into a sobbing heap of misery. Brigit held him tightly, quite literally holding him together even as the sight of his life’s greatest tragedy hove into view. She kissed him gently on his brow and sodden cheeks, but he was lost to her, his eyes closed as he fought to shut himself off from some horrible personal hell.

“Armee,” she whispered in his ear, “It’s alright, sweetie, I’m here with you and I’ll hack anyone to ribbons who so much as lays a finger on you.”

She did not see Zhou arrive and wondered how he had known to come at that moment. His hands were trembling as he placed them upon Armand’s temples and chanted softly. She felt his body stiffen and his blue eyes flashed open.

“Let him help,” she said, “You’ve done it alone all this time and we’ve seen how well that works.”

Armand relaxed, although she could see it was an effort of will on his part not to resist. Whatever Zhou was doing appeared to help for his breath slowed and became even.

“Provided the island is abandoned, I suggest that you go ashore and say farewell. The past is best left in the past,” Zhou said, “but this time, do not go alone.”

Armand nodded sheepishly as Master Bei rose and returned to sit watchfully at Pendaran’s side. Her throat knotted with emotion to see him stroke Pendaran’s russet mane as if to let him know he had returned, a paternal gesture that was at once loving and poignant for Zhou’s apprentice had resisted all attempts to awaken him.

“I’ll go with you,” she said.

“I love you,” he whispered, “I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“You don’t deserve to be loved, Armee, you’re entitled to it. Everyone is.”